


Vest Number Nine

by lulu42



Category: Naruto
Genre: I Don't Even Know, Jutsu Gone Wrong, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2018-08-09
Packaged: 2019-06-24 11:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15629871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lulu42/pseuds/lulu42
Summary: Tobirama is tired of the bizarre courtship dance between Madara and Kakashi.





	1. The Accident

**Author's Note:**

> Both of these chapters were on tumblr ages ago. :D

It had been a stressful day and Kakashi was relived to be home.

Kakashi had spent the majority of the afternoon with Hashirama at the Yamanaka compound.  The clan had been difficult ever since they had agreed to join the village, and now the head of the family was demanding an extra piece of land that was designated for the Nara clan.  Kakashi had rebutted every protest while watching out for a stray jutsu pointed in his direction.  The last thing he wanted was for a Yamanaka find out he came from the future.

Kakashi propped up his feet on a chair before reaching his pocket to pull out a book. The past was devoid of Jiraiya great literature, but Kakashi had managed to trade a scroll containing the directions for a minor C-ranked jutsu in favor of a series of popular romance novels.  He pulled out his current read, and flipped to the page where he left off.  He was just becoming engrossed with the story when he was interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Do you have a moment? I have a pressing matter with some of  _your_ business.”

Kakashi looked up from his book to find Tobirama standing in the doorway.  Sighing, Kakashi tucked the novel back into his pocket and stood up. Tobirama had little patience for some of Kakashi’s more esoteric habits.

“Are the Yamanaka are asking you to get involved as well?”

Tobirama ignored the question, choosing to leave the room, his footsteps audible as he walked away.

_Wasn’t that interesting?_

Kakashi had been in the past for two years, and in that span, he had learned to read Tobirama rather well.  He supposed that part of it had to do with the similar personalities.  Once the initial meeting had passed, Tobirama had been grateful for Kakashi taking his side during the occasional dispute.  Madara, Izuna, and Hashirama all tending be rather brash and emotional.  Kakashi never thought he would have found his place in the world in to past.  But Kakashi could admit that his life had changed for the better.

This led Kakashi back to contemplating Tobirama’s bizarre behavior.  Ninja of his caliber walked silently, unless if they were making noise intentionally.  Tobirama with audible footsteps was the equivalent of a giant “Fuck Off” sign. Intrigued, Kakashi followed after his brother.  He caught up with him in the forest, heading north to a field were Tobirama spent most of his time.

“Care to share what this is about?”  Kakashi did a flip in the air as he evaded an obstructing tree branch.  

“There was an unexpected incident this afternoon when I was working.”  Tobirama’s lips were pressed together unhappily.

Kakashi did another flip mid-air so he could see continuing watching the expression on Tobirama’s face. “That is a risk when working with experimental jutsu.”

Tobirama huffed. “Not all of us are content pilfering on the hard work of others, Kakashi.”

_Ouch._

Kakashi interest climbed higher with Tobirama’s snippy response.  His adoptive brother had been rather harsh on Kakashi’s gifted Sharingan during their initial meeting.  It wasn’t until Tobirama saw Kakashi’s methods in battle that he changed his mind. Of course, the mental breakdown of an entire clan as Kakashi matched their jutsu sign for sign left a very good impression.  Tobirama never critiqued the method again.

Not until today.

They reached the field as the sun was beginning to set.  Hashirama had decreed the field as off-limits a few weeks ago for everyone’s safety.   Kakashi could see the small building where Tobirama worked on perfecting his jutsu in the distance.

It was in front of the door which Tobirama paused, resting his hand on the doorknob.

“Your…  _partner…_  is stubborn.”

Kakashi felt a flush rise to his face.  Of course, this was about Madara.  

Tobirama was being unfair; Kakashi and Madara weren’t  _together_  together.  There was some connection there, but the same could be said for Kakashi’s relationship with the other three founders.  Kakashi merely enjoyed teasing Madara the most; he liked to watch the Uchiha’s mouth twist in a pout, and to watch his entire body puff up in indignation because of some imaginary slight.  Kakashi especially enjoyed rolling up his sleeves to show his forearms while Madara was speaking, only to hear Madara’s conversational skills deteriorate with the unexpected flash of skin.

Well, maybe there was a little more than a connection.  Kakashi tried not to think about it too much, knowing what he knew about the future.  

“What did Madara do?”

Tobirama snorted. “He completely ignored my request to vacate the area.  I told him to get off the land as there is still a lot of work to be done.  Instead of listening to me, he hid in a nearby tree. The jutsu backfired, and I was able to evade by using Hiraishin, a technique not available to Madara. ” Tobirmama clenched his jaw, his nostrils flaring.  "Arrogant Uchihas.“

Kakashi stiffened. "What happened to him?” he asked slowly, afraid of Tobirama’s response.

“Madara is still alive, and I know how to reverse it.”  Tobirama placed a hand on Kakashi’s shoulder. “He’s the most tolerable he’s ever been.”

“He’s in a coma?” Kakashi assumed, unable to think of another alternative which would make Tobirama so agreeable.  "Izuna won’t let us hear the end of it.“

Tobirama opened to door. "I think you’ll find he’s still very much to  _your_  tastes.”

The question on the tip of Kakashi’s tongue vanished when he saw Madara resting on the floor.  Kakashi’s heart leapt to his throat.

He was in love.

"Madara needs clothes,” Kakashi blurted. “I’m going to make him clothes.”

“I hardly feel as this is a priority right now.”  Tobirama shut the door as they stepped into the room.

“It’s very important.”  Kakashi kept his eyes glued on the tiny black dog sleeping next to Madara’s prized fan. “Dogs with clothing are adorable.”  His hand gave a twitch as he resisted the urge run his fingers through the silky black fur.   

“Does Madara know he’s a dog?  Does he talk? How much does he say?  Have you tried to get him to fetch?”  The words couldn’t leave Kakashi’s mouth fast enough. He only stopped talking when he saw the look of amusement in Tobirama’s eyes.

Tobirama cleared his throat. “Madara did not respond to his name when I called it.  I lured him in the cabin with a ration of jerky.  As far as I was able to sense, he is nothing more than a dog, although I am not certain what breed he  _is_.”

"Madara’s a Pomeranian,” Kakashi replied, lowering his head parallel with the floor to look at the bottom of Madara’s tiny paws.  "It’s a toy dog bred, they have a double coat, so they are primarily found in colder regions.  They are popular as pets as they are easy to carry, but they aren’t very good as ninken, which is why the Inuzaka clan do not have any.“  

Madara stirred awake, locking eyes with Kakashi.  The dog gave a growl; it was very similar to a noise Human-Madara made on a regular basis. Kakashi removed the glove from his left hand, aware that he was too excited considering one of the village founders was the size of a watermelon.

"You’re a good boy,” Kakashi murmured as he held out his hand for Madara to sniff.  Madara scrambled up to his four adorable paws, and pressed his nose against the palm of Kakashi’s hand.  He gave a few high-pitched barks, then leapt into Kakashi’s lap to lick at Kakashi’s ear.  A smile burst on Kakashi’s face as he scratched behind Madara’s ears, causing the dog’s tail to wiggle furiously.

Kakashi was  _definitely_  in love. 


	2. Counter Jutsu

Tobirama scowled at his ruined sandals.  This was intentional, he knew it.  Grumbling to himself, he put on his old pair of sandals since his regular ones were destroyed. He cast another glance that the open scroll that sat atop his work table before marching out the door, sandals in hand.

Madara’s conversion into a small dog by an experimental jutsu could have been much worse.   Officially, Madara was on a mission to Uzushiogakure. Izuna had taken the news well as his brother was still alive and the condition was reversal.  Tobirama was freed from Madara’s insufferable presence for a few weeks.  Hashirama had been concerned until he saw the Pomeranian, and had immediately agreed that Madara was in need of adornments.  The next day he walked into Kakashi’s home with a small gunbai that fit perfectly on Madara.  

Kakashi had accepted it all too readily, musing that perhaps they should have an artist paint the finished look.  Izuna had shot the entire thing down, because he was the only one besides Tobirama who was thinking clearly as Kakashi had completely lost his head.

Tobirama had not placed much thought on the strange relationship between Kakashi and Madara.  He could rely on his adoptive brother to take his side during an argument, a pleasant counter-balance to Madara and Hashirama’s outbursts of emotions.  Also, he seemed to temper some of Madara’s most irritating habits and Kakashi knew exactly what to say to goad Madara in line.  Tobirama tried not think about what Kakashi found so appealing about Madara; he only cared about the results.  In public, the five of them presented a powerful front that was unified and dignified.

However, Kakashi’s dignity went completely out of the window when it came to dogs.  Now that he was free to show his affections to Madara without worrying about what anyone would think, he had become intolerable.  Tobirama stopped by one day to speak on the progress of the counter jutsu, only to see Kakashi feeding the Pomeranian with chopsticks. The stimulating conversation that Tobirama relied on with his adoptive brother was no happening either; Kakashi was more interested in discussing the dog’s dietary habits.

Madara was truly an astonishing ninja to get on Tobirama’s nerves even as a mindless puppy.

Thus, Tobirama was spending all of his waking time working on the counter jutsu in an effort to return Kakashi back to normal.  Madara’s transformation back into a human being was a side benefit.    

Tobirama didn’t bother knocking when he arrived at Kakashi’s home. His brother was never perturbed by the interruption, as if he was used to random visitors entering his home without permission.  It made Tobirama wonder what it was like in the future.

“You need to control your pet,” Tobirama said without preamble as he raised his chewed-up footwear.  "Today he ruined my best sandals and yesterday he defecated on my doorstep.“

Kakashi looked up from his project.  "Did you see him do it?”  

“No.”

“Then how do you know it was him?” Kakashi countered as went back to sewing. “Mada Mada could be completely innocent.”

Tobirama ground his teeth in annoyance. “Must you call him that?  Madara is going to be furious with that nickname.’”

Kakashi shrugged. “Personally, I think he will be more annoyed at you for turning him into a dog.  At least I’m doing my part to clothe and feed him.”  He raised his project up for Tobirama to see.  It was a black cloak with a wide collar and a red cloud stitched on the back.  "What do you think?“

"I think it’s ridiculous that you are working on a third outfit for him.”

“Maaa, that’s not fair. I made the battle armor for him when I thought he would be able to be a ninken.”  Kakashi propped a head against his hand.  "It turns out he’s just a normal dog.  Besides, his other outfit is getting dirty and needs to be washed.”

_Ridiculous_

“The only person who cares is you, brother.”

“That’s not true, Izuna cares as well.” Kakashi secured another red cloud onto the cloak.

“Izuna is fine with treating Madara like a dog while I work on the counter jutsu.  You’re the one making outfits for him.” Tobirama huffed then gave a grudging compliment.  “The stitch work is excellent.” As soon as the words left his lips, Tobirama realized that he had fallen once again into Kakashi’s diversionary tactics.  

Kakashi was excellent in getting under the skin of his opponents.  A very handy method in battle, amusing when dealing with overambitious clan heads. But it was completely irritating on the receiving end.  Kakashi had yet to apologize for the ruined sandals that could only be caused by the Pomeranian. Unfortunately, Tobirama was never one to back down from a fight, no matter how small.

“Mada Mada deserves the best.”  Kakashi caressed the material in his hands, pulling at the corners of the collar.  “I can’t have him walking around naked.”

“I thought that’s how you wanted Madara.”

Kakashi’s face turned red and gave no response.  It gave Tobirama to swallow the bile that had risen in throat for uttering those wretched words.

“I wouldn’t… _we aren’t_ …” Kakashi had abandoned his sewing, staring hard at cloak.

Tobirama snorted. "Don’t play me for a fool, Kakashi.”

**_“I can’t.”_ **

The note of distress in Kakashi made Tobirama pause and evaluate his brother once more.  His face was hard and determined, rather the same expression when going into battle.  

That was not the reaction he was expected.   _Why on earth would Kakashi be hesitant…?_

“It doesn’t end well.”

They never spoke of Kakashi’s time from the future after the initial discussion, knowing that there were too many variables for his knowledge to make a difference.  At times, Tobirama could see the terrible weight of carrying these secrets had on Kakashi.  Tobirama and Hashirama had sought to give him peace by calling him brother, to have him recognized as a member of their great clan so that he would not be alone. Madara, knowing Kakashi would not talk about the future, had taken to following Kakashi whenever he had a free moment available.

Tobirama was not going to get involved in the love life of his brother, particularly when he was mooning over one of the people Tobirama could hardly tolerate.

He was not.

Kakashi gave a morose sigh.

Curse his adoptive brother to hell, Kakashi was going to  _make_  him get involved.

Tobirama clenched his jaw. “Kakashi, time with our loved ones is precious and can be short. Why must you be like this?”

“I can’t talk about it.”  Kakashi shrugged, the tension leaving his shoulders as he became light-hearted once more. “I can’t believe you're encouraging me, Tobirama.”

“I am hoping some of your better qualities will rub off on him.”  

As if summoned, Madara the Pomeranian entered the room, giving a small growl in Tobirama’s direction before trotting over to Kakashi and climbing into his lap.  Kakashi withdrew a hairbrush from his pocket and began to comb through dog’s fur, a ridiculous look on his face.

“Indulgent,” Tobirama said in response.  "Keep Dog Madara away from my home. He may not realize he was formerly a human, be he clearly has the same likes and dislikes.”  

Kakashi hummed in response. Tobirama placed his ruined shoes on the floor next to the sewing kit.  The Pomeranian eyed the shoes, sticking out his tongue when recognizing his handiwork.  

Somehow,  _somehow_ , Tobirama was going to make him pay.  If only he could make everyone happy if he was embarrassing Madara

Tobirama was closing the door of Kakashi’s home when it hit him.  He paused with his hand still on the doorknob, taking a deep breath.  He took another for good measure.  The price of genius was a clever mind that could surpass one’s own physical capabilities or nerve.  Tobirama wasn’t certain if he had the resolve to follow through.

That self-doubt was erased when the strap of his old sandals snapped on his way home, causing the sandal to flap loudly against his foot as he walked.

“Madara,” Tobirama growled under his breath as he turned around from his home and headed to the shopping district.

**_One week later…_ **

Kakashi was washing the dishes when he heard a whine.  He emerged from the kitchen to find Madara once again undone the strings of his Akatsuki cloak that kept it secure.  

“Mada Mada, I thought you would like the look of the cape,” Kakashi mused.  “I didn’t have this much trouble when you wore the battle armor. Ah, well.  I should brush you right now before you shed all over the place.” He removed the comb that he kept in his pocket and took a seat on the floor.  Madara the Pomeranian promptly trotted over and settled on Kakashi’s lap.

Kakashi hummed as he brushed Madara’s fur, pleased by how silky and shiny it had become.  It was a pity there wasn’t some sort of show dog completion here.  He would like to see how the Pomeranian stacked up to other dogs.  He chuckled as he imagined walking the dog across the floor in front of a table of judges.

Kakashi was interrupted from his thoughts when he felt Tobirama’s presence outside of him home His brother walked in a moment later, his face hard and determined.  He took one look at Kakashi and promptly begun forming hand seals.      

“Tobirama, what can I—”

Kakashi was cut off when his lap erupted in puff of smoke and the weight in his lap became significantly heavier.  However, He could still feel Madara’s silky fur under his fingertips though and he dragged his fingers down to have a better sense of how large he had become. He froze when his hand came in contact with skin, right as Madara’s voice boomed through the room.

“WHAT IS GOING ON? WHY AM I HERE?  _WHERE THE HELL ARE MY CLOTHES_?!  ** _WHO IS GROPING ME!!??”_**

The smoke cleared and Kakashi could see that Tobirama’s counter jutsu had indeed been successful, leaving Kakashi with a lapful of snarling and naked Madara.  The sight was enough to send Kakashi’s heart into overdrive and his grip on Madara’s side grew firmer.  

Madara’s face turned from angry to mortified.  “Kakashi?”

The note of uncertainty in Madara’s voice made Kakashi lick his lips.  Madara was always trying to impress the people he cared about the most and any display of vulnerability was something Kakashi treasured.  He preferred to think of Madara as a real person, rather than the imposing statue that would be carved out in the Valley of the End.

“You need to kiss him.”

_Fuck._

Kakashi had forgotten about Tobirama.

Madara squawked, pointing a finger in Tobirama’s direction as he dropped curse words and protestations. “Damn you, Senju—”

Kakashi looked to Tobirama, hardly believing the words he had said.  Tobirama’s face was set, his gaze in the direction of the doorway.  He was ignoring Madara completely.

_“—you even took away my shirt—”_

Tobirama’s arms were crossed.  Everything about his body language was shut off.  And yet his words to Kakashi were encouraging.  Despite Tobirama’s personal feelings towards Madara, he still wanted Kakashi to try a relationship.  The support meant so much and it made Kakashi feel light-headed.

_“—explain why my mouth tastes like feet—”_

“Don’t make me repeat myself,” Tobirama grumbled to Kakashi.  “I refuse.”  With that final statement used Hiraishin to vanish from Kakashi’s home, leaving him alone with Madara.

Madara’s rant came to an end with Tobirama’s disappearance.  Kakashi wasted no time in pulling down his mask down and reaching for Madara, who was still so close and blessedly naked.  Madara was compliant, still disoriented from his change back to a human, allowing Kakashi to suck at his neck as he ran his hands down Madara’s sides.  A groan of pleasure left Madara’s mouth and Kakashi changed tracks to aim for his mouth.

Kakashi wanted to swallow Madara’s groans in his mouth, to nibble on his lips, to feel his tongue upon his.  Madara’s wasted no time in inviting Kakashi into his mouth with his tongue.

_Oh_

Kakashi jerked back in disgust, pushing Madara off his lap.  Kakashi scrambled away, heading towards the pillow where Madara had slept as a dog and lifted up it up.  There, hidden from Kakashi’s view, was one of Tobirama’s ruined sandals.

Kakashi grimaced.  As first kisses go, one that tasted like his brother’s feet was not ideal.  

Kakashi dropped the sandal back on the pillow and motioned Madara over, dragging his gaze slowly over the delicious display of skin presented before him.  Kakashi lead Madara to the bathroom, opening the cabinet door as the Uchiha stepped in to join him.

“Mmm… what sort of things do you have hiding in there, Kakashi,” Madara’s dark tone caused Kakashi’s skin to burn pleasantly.  Kakashi shoved the toothbrush and toothpaste in Madara’s hands.

“Teeth first,” Kakashi demanded.

When Madara joined him in the bedroom a minute later, there would be nothing else to stop them. 


End file.
